i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
