just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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