Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
