is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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