haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
