Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
