i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
