Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
