remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
