just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
