My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
