Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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