Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
