I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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