I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
