I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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