She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
