Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
