absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
