Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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