Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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