my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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