she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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