she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
