He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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