$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
