new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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