New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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