the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
