My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
