Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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