have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
