Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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