Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
