you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
this will be a night to untag.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
