I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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