I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
