I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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