Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
