he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I came so hard my ears popped.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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