I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
