Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
