Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
