Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
