Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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