I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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