so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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