That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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