I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
