New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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